Max's Story
“Hey!” I yelled, feigning
innocence, “I’m hurt!”
“I know better than to take advice
from you!” she said.
My sister was probably thinking
about the time I told her to wash her favorite shirt, that she had carelessly
stained, in hot water, then immediately dry it on high heat. After that, she
was careful to run things by Mom before doing anything else, and that was 2
years ago.
I just rolled my eyes and said, “Alright
little sis, suit yourself.”
She took her ruined book back, and
stalked out of my room; probably to go ask mom if using gum to fix the binding
of her most read book would actually work. I closed my door and turned on Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down. The Better Life album was one of my
favorites, it put me in the zone when I wanted to play a video game, like Burnout 3; or when I wanted to block out
any distractions to focus on the fantasy novel I was reading that week. This
time, it was to play this new game my friend told me about, Minecraft. I had heard of it before, but
hadn’t bothered looking into it, because none of my close friends had heard of
it. Once Wes told me to play it “ASAP as possible,” I started downloading it as
soon as I got home from school.
I looked at the clock: 7:19. I had an hour and a half before my
mom would come down and tell me to go to bed. She probably wouldn’t have to
tell me twice, I was pretty beat from soccer practice; playing midfielder is intense.
I sat in my black computer chair,
its leather squeaking as I turned it toward the desk to launch the game and
create an account. My setup wasn’t anything special, just an, off-the-shelf desktop
computer from Costco. I got it for Christmas, so not having to pay for it was
great. My parents said it was because I was going to be going to college in the
next couple years, so I should be prepared.
I was about to start a new world
and –
“Hey you should be in bed!”
“Mom…bedtime is 9, and it isn’t
even 7:30,” I said, without even glancing her way.
“So I guess I will call Meghan’s
mom and tell her you won’t be taking her daughter to the dance tomorrow?”
“…right.” I let out a sigh of
frustration, remembering that I needed as much sleep as possible tonight
because I wasn’t going to get much the next…and I didn’t want to get a
migraine.
“Thanks mom, I’ll start getting
ready for bed.”
I stood up and gave her a peck on
the cheek before she left the room with my laundry basket. My mom was more than
a soccer mom, she was Wonder Woman. Not literally, at least not to my
knowledge, but she was amazing. She could help me with my geometry when I
needed it, she coached me on my goal kick, she even gave me advice with girls;
not that I needed advice, I had that department on lock down. I had a pretty
good life, a little sister to tease, a girlfriend, a great mom, and a sweet
gaming setup right in my own bedroom. For a teenager, this was the life.
That
all ended when I woke up in a strange place…I was laying on a bench and sat up.
I was in a cathedral. The stone pillars that lined grand hall were the size of
busses on their nose, hundreds of windows casting their light on each stone
pillar. The long red rug ended at the front, in front of a wooden dais.
I heard someone walking around, so
I went to investigate the sound and find out what I was doing here. As I stood
up, I could tell that I had been asleep for a while – I was very hungry. I
started for the noise, then I heard a moan. It wasn’t a good sound. It sounded
like someone in pain, or someone that was very hungry…maybe someone like me,
who was put there.
I kept
going toward the front of the cathedral, where I heard the noise. Coming around
the pulpit, I regretted my decision to investigate the noise. There was a human-like
figure in front of me. The clothes were rotting off of his green putrid flesh.
The creature turned around, his blood covered lips slightly parted, and
starting walking towards me. I wanted to scream for help, I opened my mouth,
but there was no sound.
I started to run in the opposite
direction. I had to find safety. I ran out of the enormous cathedral and
spotted a house directly in front of the cathedral and sprinted for the door.
It was unlocked, I jumped in and
slammed the door. The door didn’t actually have a lock on it so I ran up the
wooden stairs to find it open up to a small simple room with a chair, a flower
bed, and an ornate chest. The chest had a certain quality to it, it was simple,
yet elegant. Dull, but vibrant. I was drawn towards the chest by some
otherworldly force.
When I opened the chest, I was
astounded by the vastness. It had so much room, there were pieces of armor,
some were glowing with a purple hue, there were carrots and potatoes, and there
were swords.
“This stuff looks way too small…” I
muttered. “I guess I don’t really have a choice, do I?” So I put on the armor,
“I guess I can rip it in places if I have to.”
When I got it on, I was surprised that
it fit perfectly. It wasn’t too tight. I put the normal looking boots on, and
the other armor I put on was glowing purple. I felt stronger with the armor on,
I thought it might be because of the glowing armor.
I took out one of the
swords, and before I left I took some potatoes and stuffed them in my pockets.
I
opened the door tentatively. All was quiet, except for the blood pounding in my
ears. As I started to look around, I
noticed, for the first time, I was in a vast city. There were structures
everywhere; houses with wooden roofs and glass windows. Shops with wares on
display. The grass was a bright green, and the trees were in full bloom. The
air smelled of potatoes and other crops.
I started walking toward the bigger house next door. As I pushed on the worn
wooden door, it opened loudly. I waited a full minute after the door creaked
open to see if anybody inside was reacting to the sound. There were no other
sounds. I started across the floor, my leather boots muffling the sound of my
footsteps. It is much like the other house, except for a bookshelf. One of the
titles catches my attention, Max reaches out for the old leather book titled: 101
Ways to Keep Your Brains Safe.
I open the book and read:
#93
All they want is to incapacitate you to eat your
brains. They will do this any way they can. They will even fight each other in
order to eliminate any competition for your brains. A good strategy to avoid
getting your brains eaten is to get them to hit each other, they won’t be able
to resist fighting each other after one has thrown a punch, or slung an arrow.
What an imaginative read! I really liked how you added the fantastical elements and I especially liked the ending! Also, your reference to The Better Life album also took me back to my Manga drawing days and playing video games after school...ahhhhhh!
ReplyDeleteYou should definitely keep exploring and adding to Max's story.
For some reason your piece reminded me of Brainscan, which I loved. There is this homage to the 90s video gaming culture, which I think is awesome (as a 90s child!).
Okay...so he's in Minecraft...right? I'm old...but I totally got it!:) Loved the beginning set up/intro to Max's life.
ReplyDeleteNow I want to read more to find out if he is dreaming, or has been mysteriously transported to Minecraft world? Great hook with the message to #93!
One thing...when Max says "I'm hurt" at the beginning...I thought he was physically hurt...took a few sentences in the straighten that out. Maybe think about clarifying that a tiny bit?
Yeah, Minecraft.
DeleteThat whole beginning conversation needs to change, I just don’t know how yet. I have an argument that my sister and I had when we were kids in my head, just not sure how it fits yet.
I loved the detail you provided throughout the story. I also enjoyed how initially I thought the story was going in one direction and then it went in a completely different way! I was wondering who Max was at the end of the story. I also thought this would lend itself SUPER well to a graphic novel!
ReplyDeleteI’ve changed it from first person to third, and now back again, and I missed that one! Good eye :)
DeleteJared--this was fun to read and I'm sure your 8th graders are enjoying your story too (Hope you are sharing it with them). I also thought your story was going in a totally different way and I am wondering if you have two stories here. You may want to delete the beginning about your sister and chewing gum to fix book--seems like a completely different piece of writing. You could begin this story with....I turned on Kryptonite etc. Another idea is to play with the font when you are in your fantasy minecraft world--could be in italics or something else. I like the idea of a graphic novel too.
ReplyDeleteOkay yeah, that makes more sense, about the beginning.
DeleteI like the idea with playing with the font for when he is in the Minecraft world.
Thank you